Learning to self-soothe when we’re triggered can help us come home to our bodies when

we’re overwhelmed with emotion.

It can also help us shift any anxious-avoidant, push-pull patterns that may be going on in

our intimate relationship as well as overcome any addictions or “numbing techniques”

we may resort to when we’re really upset.

Things like drinking alcohol, smoking cannabis, having sex, binge-eating, shopping or

watching Netflix are some of the ways we numb out. (None of these things are inherently

“bad” but like anything, we can overdo it as a means of escape.)

When we have an abandonment wound, we may perceive minor upsets as a more

significant threat and struggle to maintain our center in the midst of conflict.

Even if the threat isn’t real, these moments can feel terrifying and trigger a deep fear of

abandonment and loss.

We may feel like we need someone to save us from our big emotions. We might feel as

though the walls are caving in on us; we might over-react, or make demands of our

partner from a place of urgency or fear.

We might panic if our partner needs space, or assume that conflict means the

relationship is over. We might feel an overwhelming urge to fix the problem now and

become bitter and resentful if our partner isn’t ready.

If this happens to you, you are not broken. You are not crazy. You have an abandonment

wound and an inner-child that needs tending to.